A Message From Pliers

Fade in from black.

A small leathery head hovers over a small flying saucer Pulsating waves of anti-gravity bubble out of the bottom. A sack of bubblegum floats in the air, surrounded by a fiery aura.

The head looks sad, then tired, then right at the lens. It opens a toothless mouth. A bead of sweat forms upon its forehead, twinkling from the 60,000-watt array of floods and spotlights that sit all around the cameras.

"Hi. Yeah, um, I'm Pliers. You might have seen me...like...somewhere while I was fighting crime and stuff. I mean, I don't really fight, 'cause I'm sorta pro-non-violence, you know? Well anyway, there's this...um...thing right here that...uh..."

A biped that looks more like a round pile of tomatoes than a proper, in-the-image sort of guy whirls around the conference room, grasping the remote controller for the television on the wall. The leathery face freezes in mid "uh".

"Sweet magenta cheese! Pliers, baby, what's with the 'um uh' thing? You sound like you're about to cry. That's no way for a super hero to act."

"I'm not sure," Pliers moans, leaning back on an energy chair. "I just don't feel the goodness in this...well, this thing, M.B."

"Pliers," M.B. explains, "this isn't about how good something is. It's about your face, baby. One look at those baby browns and...cha-ching! The goodness will be flowin' on in."

"But..."

"Just smile and say the words I showed you earlier. Do I have to remind you about the contract that P.U.D. signed with Blowit Enterprises?"

Pliers sighs and sinks down into the energy chair. "Well, ok."

"That's more like it." M.B. rubs his hands together and takes a deep breath. "Ok, everyone. Let's start all over from the top. Lights! Camera..."

A robot materializes in front of the camera and says: "Blowit Gum commercial, take seventeen..." The clapboard snaps.

"...Action!"

"Hi. I'm Pliers. The guy from the League of Tremendous Bozos. I like to fix things all the time. Sometimes, however, I like to get a quick fix when things are going all wrong. That's when I reach for Blowit Gum. Mmmm."

"Cut! Print! Way to go Pliers. I knew you had it in you all along."

Pliers sheepishly smiles as he leaves the set.

Fade to black.